Controlling Anger Before It Controls you

INTRODUCTION

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion. This brochure is meant to help you understand and control anger.

WHAT IS ANGER?

The Nature of Anger

Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.

Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

Expressing Anger

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.

People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."

ANGER MANAGEMENT

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.

Are You Too Angry?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?

According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.

Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.

STRATEGIES TO KEEP ANGER AT BAY

Relaxation

Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.

Some simple steps you can try:

• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.

Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.

Cognitive Restructuring

Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.

Problem Solving

Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.

Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.

Better Communication

Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.

It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.

Using Humor

"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.

The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!

When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.

What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.

Changing Your Environment

Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.

Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.

Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself

Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.

Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.

Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.

DO YOU NEED COUNSELING?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.

What About Assertiveness Training?

It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.

Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.

Sumber: 
American Psychological Association (APA)
http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx?item=5

Australia Kenalkan Bahasa dan Budaya Indonesia Sejak Dini

Melalui pengajaran perbedaan budaya sejak dini, diharapkan generasi mendatang di Indonesia dan Australia akan semakin mempererat kerjasama dan menghindari kesalahpahaman.

"Selamat pagi, nama saya Michael," sapa salah satu siswa Sekolah Dasar Marlborough di Melbourne. Bukan hanya Michael, banyak siswa yang berebut menyapa dalam Bahasa Indonesia saat berkunjung ke sekolah ini.

Marlborough Primary School adalah salah satu sekolah di Australia yang memiliki program 'Asia Literacy' yang bertujuan agar para siswa didiknya bisa memahami budaya Asia, khususnya Indonesia.

"Kami ingin agar para siswa kita kelak akan berkarir di Asia, seperti di Indonesia, karenanya kami mengajarkan pemahaman budaya dan bahasa," jelas Angie O’Hare, Kepala Sekolah Dasar Marlborough.

Menurut Angie, Bahasa Indonesia adalah salah satu bahasa yang mudah untuk dipelajari, bahkan lebih mudah dari bahasa Inggris.

"Apalagi jika diajarkan sejak dini, mereka dengan mudah menyerap kata-kata baru, misalnya lewat buku cerita," tambahnya.

Tidak hanya pelajaran bahasa, murid-murid juga diperkenalkan soal  budaya Indonesia, melalui kerjasama secara langsung dengan sekolah di Indonesia.

"Kami menjalin mitra dengan MIN Cempaka Putih di Jakarta, dimana kita berkolaborasi dalam menyampaikan materi pengajaran soal budaya secara bersama-sama," kata Angie.

Kolaborasi yang dilakukan adalah dengan membuat sebuah buku yang ditulis oleh siswa di kedua negara, agar mereka bisa berbagi pengalaman hidup dan cerita. Rencananya buku ini pun akan diterbitkan dalam Bahasa Indonesia dan Inggris.

Dengan kolaborasi ini diharapakan para siswa dapat memahami perbedaan soal budaya. Dengan harapan di masa depan mereka bisa menghindari kesalahpahaman diantara kedua negara.

Tidak hanya itu, setiap dua minggu sekali, Sekolah Dasar Marlborough dan MIN Cempaka Putih menggelar sesi berbincang-bincang melalui Skype.

Dalam sesi ini, para siswa bisa belajar bahasa dan budaya. Biasanya, para siswa akan saling unjuk kebolehan dengan menari atau menyanyi.

Misalnya, para siswa Marlborough di Melbourne menyanyikan lagu kebangsaan Indonesia Raya dengan fasih, yang membuat para guru dan siswa MIN Cempaka Putih terpukau. Sebagai balasan, para siswa Cempaka Putih beraksi dengan tarian Betawi yang menghibur para siswa Australia tersebut.

Pendidikan jadi fokus utama kerjasama Australia dan Indonesia

Proyek kerjasama antara sekolah di Australia dan Indonesia ini digagas oleh Australia-Indonesia Institite dan Asia Education Foundation dengan bantuan pemerintah Australia senilai Rp. 500 milyar.

Saat ini sudah terjalin kerjasama diantara 96 sekolah diantara kedua negara, termasuk 192 guru dari Australia dan Indonesia yang mendapat pelatihan profesional, program kunjungan, dan pertukaran guru


Sumber:http://www.radioaustralia.net.au/indonesian/2013-06-20/australia-kenalkan-soal-bahasa-dan-budaya-indonesia-sejak-dini/1149098

Terjebak Dalam Stereotype Etnis Aboriginal People, “Penguasa Asli” Benua Australia

Oleh: Deasyanti *)
Salah satu fenomena sosial yang cukup menarik di kota tempat saya melanjutkan studi di Australia yaitu kota Darwin, adalah keberadaan penduduk asli Australia (Aborigin) yang relatif banyak di tengah-tengah masyarakat kulit putih. Dikatakan banyak karena dibandingkan dengan kota-kota besar Australia lainnya seperti Melbourne dan Sydney (hanya baru dua kota lain ini yang pernah penulis kunjungi), sangat jarang ditemui orang Aborigin yang “berseliweran” di depan kita. Namun di Darwin, setiap saat mereka selalu ditemui di jalan, di sekitar rumah (bahkan hidup bertetangga), di dalam bus, di mal dan di area publik lainnya. Mungkin karena temperatur kota Darwin yang tergolong panas sesuai habitat mereka dan lokasi kota Darwin yang memang tidak jauh dengan kantong-kantong pemukiman penduduk asli Aborigin di Utara Australia atau Northern Territory. Dalam terminologi lain, orang Aborigin disebut juga dengan Indigenous People. Ketika pertama kali menetap di Darwin tahun lalu, seorang teman menganjurkan saya untuk menggunakan istilah ABG (bukan Anak Baru Gede) sebagai pengganti kata “Aborigin” untuk menghindari mereka tahu kalau kita sedang memperbincangkan mereka. Istilah ABG juga akan saya gunakan dalam tulisan ini.

Kesan pertama saya terhadap ABG adalah kebiasaan mereka yang selalu pergi bergerombol kemana-mana, berbicara dengan suara keras, berpenampilan lusuh dan kotor (kadang-kadang tidak memakai alas kaki), berbadan bau, malas bekerja (mengandalkan hidup dari tunjangan pemerintah) dan seringkali tampak dalam keadaan mabuk. Tidak jarang mereka ditolak untuk naik bus umum oleh supir bus karena terlihat dalam keadaan mabuk, atau bahkan diusir keluar bus karena dianggap mengganggu ketentraman penumpang lain sehubungan dengan “ceracauan” mereka dengan suara keras di dalam bus. Jika mereka naik bus umum, biasanya mereka duduk di area belakang bus. Kebanyakan penumpang lain lebih memilih kursi kosong di bagian depan bus. Ketika bus sedang banyak penumpang biasanya kursi kosong yang tersisa adalah di bagian belakang bus di antara penumpang ABG. Kita tinggal memilih, mau duduk di antara orang ABG dengan ‘bau badan’nya yang agak mengganggu atau berdiri di dalam bus. Orang ABG yang mabuk dan tergeletak tidur di area umum seperti terminal bus atau di pinggir jalan, juga sering kita temui. Mereka seolah menjadi kaum marginal di”rumah”nya sendiri. Dengan pemandangan seperti ini yang sering saya temui, tentu saja kesan yang terbentuk adalah kesan negatif tentang mereka. Terus terang, awalnya saya pun merasa agak takut berada di dekat mereka. Tetapi, terbersit juga pertanyaan di dalam benak, apakah mereka seburuk itu? Apalagi jika saya membandingkan karakteristik ABG di jalan-jalan yang sering saya temui dengan hasil karya seni Aborigin yang dipamerkan di Art Gallery dan Museum di Darwin yang sangat indah. Saya bertanya dalam hati, bagaimana mungkin suatu hasil karya yang teramat halus dan indah, bisa dihasilkan oleh orang ABG yang memiliki karakteristik negatif yang terkesan oleh saya (karena selalu terpapar oleh gambaran orang ABG sehari-hari yang saya temui)? Pastilah hasil karya seni itu dihasilkan orang-orang yang sangat halus perasaaannya dan sangat tekun karena membutuhkan kesabaran dan ketelitian yang luar biasa untuk menyelesaikannya.

Terjebak dalam stereotype etnis yang biasanya berisi karakteristik negatif bukanlah hal yang baik, bahkan berbahaya. Tak jarang pertikaian antar etnis di berbagai belahan dunia dipicu oleh hal ini, dan tentu saja kerugian nyawa menjadi bayarannya. Untungnya, meski kesan negatif tentang orang ABG terlanjur terbentuk di benak saya, saya kemudian mendapat penyeimbang informasi yang luar biasa yang kemudian mengubah kesan saya tentang mereka dan berniat untuk mengenal mereka lebih jauh. Salah satunya adalah cerita dari anak remaja perempuan saya (kelas 3 SMA) yang pulang sendiri dari suatu acara pada malam hari (sekitar jam 8 malam) dan menunggu bus di halte. Darwin adalah kota yang sepi apalagi pada malam hari. Di halte itu, sudah ada seorang perempuan ABG yang juga sedang menunggu bus. Semula anak saya agak takut mendekat ke halte karena anak saya menduga ibu itu mabuk, namun ibu ABG itu mengajaknya mendekat. Ibu ABG itu menasehati anak saya untuk berhati-hati pergi di malam hari. Ketika di seberang jalan ada sekelompok pemuda melintas, tiba-tiba ibu ABG itu merangkul anak saya dan mengatakan dia akan melindungi anak saya dari orang jahat. Anak saya yang semula merasa takut dengan ibu itu, menjadi tenang sampai kemudian bus datang dan mereka berdua menaiki bus yang sama. Ibu ABG itu turun lebih dulu sambil berpesan dengan suara keras kepada supir untuk menjaga anak saya. Cerita lainnya adalah ketika naik bus umum dan cukup banyak penumpang berdiri, seorang ABG tidak sengaja menyentuh kulit tangan anak saya. Entah merasa bahwa dirinya kotor atau merasa orang lain takut berdekatan dengan ABG, bapak ABG itu berkali-kali meminta maaf kepada anak saya.

Cerita lain yang paling mengesankan dan paling berpengaruh terhadap diri saya tentang bagaimana kita memahami ABG, saya peroleh dari seorang kenalan saya: seorang Australia, berkulit putih, telah berpuluh tahun menjadi peneliti indigenous people, dan lokasi ruang kerjanya tak jauh dari ruang kerja saya. Sebut saja namanya Peter (bukan nama sebenarnya). Biasanya saya hanya sekedar bertegur sapa “apa kabar” dengannya jika bertemu di ruang makan. Saya juga tidak tahu secara tepat apa yang dikerjakannya dalam proyeknya. Tetapi suatu hari, saya lama tidak bertemu dengannya dan menanyakan kemana saja dan apa saja yang dikerjakannya. Dia pun serta merta mengundang saya ke ruang kerjanya dan menunjukkan kepada saya peta lokasi proyeknya yang berjarak 15 jam perjalanan mobil dari kota Darwin! Dia menceritakan bahwa istrinya mengajar di salah satu sekolah independen untuk ABG. Dengan polosnya, saya bertanya kepadanya: “ Apakah susah mengajar orang ABG?” Saya terperangah oleh jawaban dan ekspresi wajahnya “It is more difficult to make the Austalian people understand them!”. Lebih lanjut, dia menceritakan bahwa orang ABG adalah orang yang traditional sekaligus paling modern di dunia ini. Saya pun semakin menjadi terbingung-bingung karena ketidakmengertian saya. Dia menjelaskan bahwa orang ABG adalah orang yang berperasaan sangat halus, mereka hidup dalam “kecukupan” dalam arti mereka hidup secukupnya sesuai dengan kebutuhan dirinya dan sangat menjaga “relationship” dengan alam. Mereka tidak mengeksploitasi alam yang banyak dilakukan oleh orang-orang masa kini yang menganggap hidupnya modern. Padahal, lanjutnya lagi - yang namanya modern haruslah berarti menjaga keberlanjutan lingkungan (environmental sustainability). Itulah alasannya mengapa dia berpendapat tentang “tradisional sekaligus modern”.

Dengan nada haru dia juga menjelaskan kepada saya sambil berlinang air mata dan memegang tengah dadanya (dan saya pun ikut-ikutan merasakan ada rembesan air mata di pelupuk mata saya): “Orang ABG itu adalah orang-orang yang merasakan ‘pedih’ di dalam hatinya, karena mereka seperti pohon yang tercabut dari akarnya!”. Mereka tidak bisa dipindahkan begitu saja untuk hidup di tempat baru karena mereka tidak punya “relationship” dengan alam di tempat barunya. Tentang apa dan bagaimana Peter mengajar mereka, lebih lanjut ia menjelaskan bagaimana dia mengajarkan orang ABG dengan metaphora. Dia memberi saya salah satu contoh: ketika pembuatan jalan dengan menggunakan aspal masuk ke daerah rural, lebah yang hidup di lokasi tersebut menganggap aspal yang memiliki karakteristik mirip dengan madu akan mencobanya. Tetapi ketika dicoba ternyata bukan madu dan tidak sesuai dengan kebutuhan dirinya. Melalui metaphora ini, Peter mengajar orang ABG di daerah rural untuk memperkuat dirinya dalam menghadapi bombardir budaya orang kulit putih dan bisa memilih mana yang baik dan sesuai dengan kebutuhan dirinya. Ooh Peter…, dia seorang kulit putih! Betapa saya merasa salut kepadanya tentang apa yang sudah dilakukannya selama berpuluh tahun!

Percakapan dengan Peter diselingi dengan diperkenalkannya saya dengan dua wanita ABG yang datang ke ruangannya. Mereka bertiga berbicara dengan bahasa lain yang tidak saya mengerti (bukan berbahasa Inggris). Saya pun berkomentar. Apakah kamu berbicara dengan bahasa Aborigin? Sambil tersenyum, Peter menjawab: “No, it is not Aboriginal language, it is Australian language.”

Orang-orang ABG dengan pola hidup yang sering saya temui di kota Darwin hanya memberikan salah satu gambaran tentang sebagian orang ABG yang frustrasi dan tidak bisa memilah tentang apa yang baik dan sesuai untuk mereka ketika terpapar dengan budaya lain yang berbeda. Mengajak mereka untuk mengikuti gaya hidup yang dianggap modern oleh orang kulit putih sama seperti mencabut mereka dari akar budayanya, demikian ungkapan Peter. Nun di belahan Australia lain yang belum saya lihat, tentu banyak sekali orang ABG dengan kualitas diri yang sangat positif.

Pertemuan setengah jam dengan Peter telah mengubah persepsi saya tentang ABG dan memberikan saya keluasan pandangan. Benar kata pepatah, “ Tak Kenal Maka Tak Sayang”. Terjebak dalam streotype etnis apalagi yang negatif seringkali dikarenakan informasi yang hanya sepenggal dan tidak lengkap namun kemudian digeneralisir. Untunglah saya sudah keluar dari jebakan itu…. Saya pun bertekad, di tengah-tengah studi saya di Australia, saya harus mengenal lebih dalam tentang mereka: the Indigenous People of Australia.

Tulisan ini dipublikasikan di Kompasiana pada tanggal 25 Februari 2012

*) PhD Student Charles Darwin University, Australia